Cancer and the 7 Stages of Grief

 

7 Stages of Grief and Cancer

Many of us might not realize that with a cancer diagnosis comes ALL the stages of grief. Most people think this only comes when someone dies, or if you have a divorce. 

Grief is a normal part of life, and it most definitely comes with a diagnosis of cancer. 

Grief comes when you have lost something. With cancer, there is much to lose. Anxiety about what you might possibly lose intensifies everything.

The stages are shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing, and acceptance.

Grief is ok! This is totally a normal human thing to go through. In fact, if you fight these stages because you want to be sunshine and butterflies all the time, you won't be able to fully process everything and move to that last and glorious stage of acceptance.

Remember with the stages of grief, most people do not neatly and orderly go through the steps. Some take longer than others. Some are repeated. The order is totally individual.

Additionally, when you are going through something as complex as cancer, there are often different things we are greiving about at the same time, and will often start at different times as we have different losses.

With my experience with greiving, even when you get to acceptance, you can still hop into those other stages again. The stages are not as intense once I've reached acceptance, but they are still there, and still happen. I think it's because I still need more time to process and accept.

With bladder cancer, we are greiving for so many reasons!

We are greiving that we have that terrible word as a diagnosis. That C-A-N-C-E-R now becomes a part of who we are. We don't have to have it define us, but it's now a part of our journey, and it bites. And it's terrifying (especially those first few months!).

We are greiving because cancer isn't curable, and we have to face the idea of dying. For many, a cancer diagnosis is a surprise. I know it was for me. Your mortality suddenly becomes quite real and it has been thrown in your face.

We are greiving because we have to ask for help, and lose some of our independence and capability. We can't do what we usually can do. During treatments we have to give up the time we would usually have for vacations, and instead use that time off for healing. 

We have to ask people for rides when our loved ones have to work. We have to let people bring in meals for our family. We have to look at our home being messier and dirtier than usual, because we don't have the capability to help with cleaning.

We are greiving because of the many experiences we are missing out on. During treatments we miss our children's program that they have been working on for 3 months, in which you learned each of those songs right along with them. During treatments you see others going about their normal life, and wish you could just be normal again. During treatments you worry about your job, and if your boss is really going to understand all the time you have taken off. 

We are greiving because the money we would have used to better our lives, or have fun with our family is now used to pay for cancer. Or maybe we are greiving because the monetary stress our family has to endure - we didn't have the money to pay for cancer, and it feels like it's sucking the bone marrow from your bones, paying for all of this.

We grieve because we might be loosing function of parts of our body. Our bodies might be permanently changed, or parts taken out, moved about, or things put in. We have to deal with scopes, and chemo, and surgery, and urine bags, and BCG, and Neobladders, and pain and urgency with peeing all the time, and urinary catheterizations, and peeing in cups, and infections, and incisions, and pain in all parts of our urinary system. This changes our bodies and how they work. It changes how our urinary system works, and it's a loss.

Sometimes we need to be reminded that what we are feeling is totally normal and ok.

I pray for all of you that are dealing with bladder cancer. I pray that you will have healing, and find answers, and get answers to your prayers. I pray that you will find peace and your family will find peace. 

I pray that angels will watch over you and minister to you. I pray that your medical teams will listen to you and will have the inspiration to take care of you the best way possible.

Sending love and light to you all!